Differentiating Upbringing for Sons and Daughters: Key Considerations for Parents

Dear Parents,

Distinction in Upbringing of Sons and Daughters

Reading today's article title might surprise you, considering the global trend against "gender discrimination." You might wonder who this obstinate woman is, advocating for a difference in raising children. To clarify my perspective, let's delve into this topic in detail.

We strongly support the notion that in terms of care and upbringing, whether it’s good behavior or educational matters, parents must treat their "children" equally. It’s not right to send sons to good institutions while neglecting daughters or to give preferential treatment in food, drink, and clothing to sons while giving daughters the bare minimum. Such behavior is utterly wrong.

However, there are certain aspects where the upbringing of boys and girls should distinctly differ. Certainly! Here are the key points:

1. Teaching Etiquette from a Young Age

From a young age, it’s essential to teach girls proper etiquette in sitting and standing. Sprawling or sitting with legs spread is inappropriate. Teach them to sit and move with grace, maintaining their femininity and delicacy.

2. Appropriate Clothing Choices

As girls grow older, be mindful of their clothing choices. Whether Eastern or Western, their attire should be appealing yet modest. Many parents think it’s harmless for young girls around the age of 9 or 10 to wear backless frocks or shoulder-down tops. This is when their bodies start to change. Even if a girl feels uncomfortable, parents often dismiss it with "it’s fine" and make her wear such clothes, eroding her natural modesty. It’s not something to boast about when girls wear "Dad’s and brother’s T-shirts and jeans." Later, when these grown-up girls don't find such dressing inappropriate, they are scolded for not dressing properly. It's better to teach them the importance of modesty and dressing well from the start. Some women can look dignified even in jeans and a top, while others may not manage it even in traditional attire like shalwar kameez with a dupatta.

3. Understanding Boundaries and Safety

No matter how much the world advocates for "gender equality," the reality is that the upbringing of sons and daughters can't be entirely equal. For instance, you can send a son to the market even at midnight, but under no circumstances should you send your daughters alone, even to a nearby bakery. Teach young girls the boundaries they should maintain with male relatives or household male staff, stressing that over-familiarity is not appropriate. "Stay within limits, stay safe" is crucial for a girl’s protection.

4. Avoiding Unnecessary Interactions

Recently, an incident in an upscale Karachi neighborhood involved three friends (two boys and one girl) who gathered at a house and ordered burgers late at night. A guest boy jokingly ate half of his friend’s burger. The host, who was the girl’s boyfriend, got so enraged by this trivial matter that he ended up killing his friend. Such interactions often lead to trouble, so don’t let your daughters stay overnight at friends' places under the pretext of "movie nights" or "combined study sessions." (This restriction is equally important for teenage boys these days.)

5. Maintaining Modesty in Social Interactions

The way showbiz personalities now greet each other with handshakes and even hugs, regardless of gender, is becoming common in educational institutions too. When raising daughters, ensure they understand that while it's good to compete academically and speak confidently with male classmates, it’s crucial to observe certain boundaries and manners. Casual high-fives, handshakes, or hugs with boys are inappropriate for a modest Muslim girl. Maintaining a distance and a sense of feminine dignity is essential to ensure respect and set boundaries for others in their interactions.

Caution with Public Transportation Services

Karachi, being the largest and most developed city in the country, faces significant traffic issues. Consequently, a new problem has arisen with the advent of bike-hailing services like "Bykea." Many working women and students use these services to save time, riding pillion without hesitation. This is not progressive thinking but rather inappropriate and potentially troublesome. Teach your daughters to be strong and confident but also to protect their dignity and uphold moral values.

Conclusion

You may not agree with my perspective, but these are a few fundamental and crucial points that should be included in the initial upbringing of girls. As for the upbringing of boys, we will discuss that some other time. For now, let’s just say the most critical aspect is teaching boys to respect women outside the home just as they respect their mothers and sisters inside the home and to understand the importance of protecting them.